Dear Lion Baby,
Today, I’m at the end of Day 1 of the 40 weeks of pregnancy that technically includes the two weeks before conception. Technically, I’m pregnant. Probably fitting too, since I had my first true hormonal meltdown this evening with an angry, ugly cry in front of less-than-understanding family. If only I had an actual positive pregnancy test to blame my tears on. Oh, well.
And then my email inbox. WebMD’s article “12 Signs of a Hormone Imbalance” just makes me want to laugh – hysterically – or at least wonder who needs an article to tell them they are “imbalanced”?!? Just ask the people closest to you. They always know.
Anyway, the weeks seem to stretch long before your actual transfer into my body. And I have allowed myself both a healthy and frightening dose of online research into what I should be doing/eating to best prepare. Yep. I’m dredging up the scientifically-backed suggestions and the old wives’ tales. But, when you are giving yourself daily injections and suppositories, there is additional motivation to boost success odds. Hence the added Brazil Nuts, Figs, and Pineapple to current and future shopping lists. And those items are just the tip of the iceberg.
Tonight, I’m tired. I want to watch Netflix and fall peacefully asleep. I don’t want to cry anymore. I don’t want to be the crazy woman I feel lurking just around the bend of the next hormone dose. I want your big sister to stop tossing and turning on the monitor screen and also fall asleep. I want to wake up having found new grace for myself and hopefully receive new grace from others.
These are all good goals for Pregnancy Day 1.