Infertility · Prayers · TTC Baby #2

Knowing this day would come {And choosing to hope}

When I wrote yesterday’s post, I knew my heart would not be satisfied with Netflix and ice cream for long. I knew my tired body would become what this Lion Baby needs.

For, I am brave.

Brave enough to whisper my fears. Brave enough to reach out with what terrifies me. Brave enough to utter the prayers that have held my heart safe for my whole life long.

And it’s not because I have dug down deep and found some reserved superwoman strength inside. Folks, I blasted through that long ago. I mean, have you seen the length of PIO injection needles? 

Photo Credit Haven Life & Photo by Rachael MacPhee

I am brave because this entire conception journey is miracle for me and for my family. It’s part of the miracles of hope and salvation and redemption and beauty in ashes that have been shaping who I am since I chose to engage in a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I know that I am one of a dwindling outspoken few, but my faith is my steadfast anchor in the storm.

I have no high and mighty horse. Please read back through my blog if you want proof. I’m scared. I’m depressed. I’m not so fun to live around hyped up on all these IVF hormones.

But, I am brave.

And proud. Let’s touch on that for a moment. I’m not ashamed of my infertility anymore. I’m frustrated, don’t get me wrong. I would love to conceive in bed with my husband. But, I’m amazed to live in this century of modern medicine. I’m blessed by doctors who have made this journey possible. I’m strong and even stronger for all the injections and medications. I am choosing this baby. This pain. This potential heartache. For all of the joy that I know is also possible.

Let us not hang our heads with the weight of inadequacy. But, let us find inspiration in the power we have to speak beauty, create beauty, hope for beauty even in the face of overwhelming odds.

Until tomorrow, Lion Baby. Until tomorrow.

2 thoughts on “Knowing this day would come {And choosing to hope}

  1. You’re the only person I’ve ever known to speak of your struggles with infertility in such a way, but it makes sense. The abilities of doctors and medicine have come such a long way in a short amount of years, and we really are lucky to be living in this age. Hugs and best wishes for tomorrow!

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