I hear the refrain of my own tagline reverberating in my own heart . . . “one woman’s journey through the deluge of infertility and the splatterings of hope” . . . and know that there are not words to capture the emotions of my own soul, emotions that many of you are also familiar with – pain, disappointment, emptiness, anger, waning hope, dwindling peace.
However, I desire to share my story – the raw truth of a Christian woman’s fight with infertility – not to rant and rave (though I may do some of that), but to pray and give thanks, to encourage you in your own struggle, to help you find a refuge from the pain I know too well.
You are not alone. You were never alone.
That truth may be hard to swallow, evoking more doubt than it does comfort. Yet, I am learning to sing its sweet melody through dark nights, gloomy morning, and painful days: “I am not alone. I have never walked alone.”
We are held by a Savior who weeps with us, wraps us in His arms, and whispers “Peace, Be Still” in the chaos of the storm.
For nearly two years, I have yearned for a baby, dreamed of growing big with child, planned how I would tell my parents, discussed names and nurseries – all for naught at this point. For nearly two years, I have obsessed, grown depressed, longed for answers, turned my face from God, screamed at injustice, and tried remedy after remedy promising to cause my body to ovulate and conceive.
“All for naught” is a bold-faced lie, however. For nearly two years, I have wrestled with God, been tried by fire, reached out to women I would have never known before, become as transparent as the glass in my living room window. My character has undergone a transformation only possible during times of throbbing pain and ever-stronger love. I have learned what it feels like to come to terms with “You will never conceive a child naturally without a miracle from God or much medical intervention.” I have faced impossibility . . .
Now, I am learning to repeat the age-old mantra: “Nothing is impossible with God. Nothing.” The deluge of infertility that has flooded my soul is slowly giving way to refreshing raindrops of belief, the splatterings of hope.
Join me. Join me as I journey. Join me as I rant and rave. Join me as I pray and give thanks. Join me as we witness miracles together – the impossible becoming possible.
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Email me at lauren.cupofbliss@gmail.com and visit me at http://acupofbliss.wordpress.com/ for my reflections on lattes, life and love. Feel free to follow that blog as well for a more rounded view of what God is teaching me through my role as a wife, my job as middle school teacher, and my place as a daughter of the King.
Most importantly, please leave me comments, replies, messages, prayer requests, and praises as you read this blog’s posts and follow my journey. I want to share in your journey through the storm – whether you are still being soaked by the deluge or refreshed by the soft rain.
Welcome. Welcome to a place you can find resources, remember you are not alone, and seek comfort as you too journey along the road of infertility.
Tear Drops Falling 
Splatterings of hope. I totally get it. Thank you for your words and your prayers. Beautiful. You are not alone. We, as women, though we don’t even know each other. We walk through our pain, our grief, and our hope together. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Thank you so much for commenting so quickly. I appreciate the encouragement and the feeling of being part of a community of women who are looking for the same hope that I reach for. As I continue to compile and build the site (Resources, Songs, etc.) please let me know if you have any suggestions. Blessings!
I’m so glad God sent me here. I have struggled with this for so long alone because noone I know REALLY understands…I’m so glad God is showing me I am not alone.
Thank you Lord for people to share this journey with.
You are NOT alone. Since I began blogging, friends have come out of the woodwork who are also struggling with this very thing or have struggled in the past. However, very few are willing to be vulnerable enough to talk about it. Since I AM struggling with infertility, I want to try to open myself up to help others who are in the same boat, to bring together a community that can transparently support one another. God does miracles, but he is not in a hurry . . . Jesus didn’t even start his ministry until he was 30, though I’m sure there were people who needed him before that . . . I keep trying to remind myself of that when I am alone, scared, and impatient.