I bled bright red this week. Thick and heavy. And after spotting since January 7 on birth control preparation, I was a bit shocked that my body could still have a medication-induced period. But, I did. And, miraculously, for maybe one of the first times in my life I had no cramping/bloating. I think I… Continue reading On Tears & Flutters of Hope
For this season, I’ve become one of THOSE bloggers. Those bloggers that update their Facebook statuses without a thought to updating their journals. Those bloggers that fail to respond to comments on what little they do manage to write (I’m so sorry!). Those bloggers that I probably judged in seasons past. Alas, no more… I… Continue reading Admission of guilt {And other 8.5 month updates}
Count the moments when you ONLY felt pure joy. They are few and far between. Count the days when grief was so overwhelming that there wasn’t even a moment of a rainbow. Also, praise God, those days do not occur often. Yet, I’ve experience both. You too have undoubtedly walked through the rainbow and the… Continue reading When we struggle and when we rejoice {The Chaos and Beauty of the Co-Mingling}
One would think that after the past years of struggle, I would now find myself surrendered to God’s will. One would imagine that after 14 positive pregnancy tests, I would finally say “Yes, Lord” and rejoice in His clear provision. One would be wrong. At least about this daughter of Sarah. Along with the leg cramps… Continue reading Finally Surrendered {Not.Even.Close}
I told a close friend that I was pregnant today. We’ve been friends since we were twelve, and were the type of friends that would lay, belly-up on the trampoline together and dream. Dream of handsome boys. Dream of marriage and babies. Dream of houses next to each other. Somehow, telling her my news this… Continue reading Tears {This just might be love}
Thank you for your prayers. I need ice cream or a long run (AND a long run is out of the question). After quite a bit of pacing, praying, and finagling, I got Quest lab to fax my results to my parent’s home. Thankfully, I had filled out a release form last week with no… Continue reading *Update* Lab Results
I’ve had a realization. Deep down in my heart is buried an emotional scar…it’s triggered by the sound of my nurse calling with lab results. Go with me…the first time I discovered I was going to miscarry I was in the middle of teaching first period social studies. My phone buzzed on my desk. Propping… Continue reading Need feedback from those who’ve gotten BFPs
What a hailstorm of emotions today has brought! I left the house at 6:15 a.m. for my (hopefully) final ultrasound and labs before next week’s FET. Fighting a head cold, I’m doing everything EXCEPT for taking sinus medication, since that is not encouraged due to interactions. I’m popping Vitamin C pills like they were the… Continue reading Bittersweet
Striving for hope, I’m taking Baby Steps today in that direction…. My last “hurrah” sushi date night (hopefully for the next 10 months or so)…
There are portions of this infertility journey that I’m not proud of. I’m not proud of how easy it is to become consumed with whether or not I’ll ever become and stay pregnant. I’m not proud of how easy it is to put my other dreams on hold in pursuit of this one single desire.… Continue reading An anchor of hope {When reality is terrifying}
Tear Drops Falling 