In summary, everything yesterday went smoothly with the embryo transfer and now all that is left is to navigate “resting” with a toddler while waiting for pregnancy test results in the next couple of weeks. Oh, yay, resting and taking a whole lot of meds.
But, beyond the summary, the DETAILS of yesterday are what grip me. The hormonal fluctuations while trying to get ready in the morning with Abby scattering toys at my feet. The flutters in my belly that made eating precarious. The warmth of my good luck kimono draped comfortingly on my shoulders.
My appointment wasn’t until 1 pm, which left plenty of time to stress and to plan and to replan the day. Around 9 am though, I had had enough. Abby was bored and clingy and ready to “go” long before my parents were ready for us. I was stumbling around drinking tea without much direction or focus. So, I turned on music.
And, we danced.
Just the two of us.
Mother and daughter.
We spun around my room and giggled as we both snapped our fingers and clapped our hands above our heads (dancing gets a bit outrageous with a toddler). And, I began to process the emotions. I began to cry. And laugh. And hold onto hope that this embryo transfer would truly result in our next baby, due around “Kissmas time,” as Abby would say.
She spotted my stash of chocolate, and we had to split a square: Abby all gooey from toffee that melts way too quickly in her sticky hands, and me with a full heart of gratitude and acceptance. (FYI, I’m a firm believer that chocolate does make the IVF medicine go down “in the most delightful way.” 🙂 )
Finding a Sharpie in the bedside table drawer at my parents’ house, I began to draw on my belly. A welcome home note to Baby Lion. And then Abby had to join as well. She wanted to be “match match.” And we talked about these hearts and their meanings. Why they reminded us that we loved Abby’s baby sibling. How we were praying that we would meet this baby at “Kissmass time.” And something in my soul was made whole.
She is part of this journey too.
Yes, she may beg to be picked up when I can’t in the coming days.
Yes, she may be ultra-whiny from all the travel and extra sugar and lack of routine.
But, she is brave and strong too.
My doctor doesn’t grade embryos, but this little guy was already hatching right before the transfer and looked strong and healthy. Nothing is guaranteed at this point. I will most definitely start taking home pregnancy tests before the blood test a distant two weeks away because patience is not one of my giftings. David flew in last night from a crazy week at Colorado School of Mines and 18 inches of snow in Denver (yikes) and will be here today to help me rest and then will facilitate the flight home between Texas and Colorado on Saturday morning.
Until then, I leave you…pregnant until proven otherwise 🙂